None of us know how much time we have left with our children. If everything goes according to plan we may agree that our kids come into this world and spend about 18 years with us, then depart to pursue their own life and career independently from us.

In the Jutila household our kids are approaching the age of departure and the question that comes to mind is did Mary and I do our best with the time we had with them? Did we take advantage of the “opportunities” we had with them? (See Ephesians 5:15-16).

There is a scene that takes place in the kitchen of ABC’s TV comedy Modern Family and opens with chaos brewing. It’s parents at their worst and the kids not much better. There is shouting, a fire erupting on the stove and a dish shattering as it hits the floor. Frenetic energy fills the scene as the dialogue picks up . . .

Haley (Daughter): “You win the award for the worst mother ever.”
Claire (Mom): “I will be sure to thank you in my speech.”
Haley (Daughter): “I hope the whole house burns down.”
Mitchell (Claire’s brother, just arriving): “Did we come at a bad time?”
Claire (Mom): “Come back in seven years and five months when they are all gone.” (1)

It’s Claire’s last line that makes

Whether you are just beginning your parenting journey or have been on the road awhile there are three dates we should all remember.

1. ValiDATE

Sometimes as parents we mistakenly think that validating our child’s behavior is equal to condoning their behavior, not true. In fact, if we don't validate what our kids are feeling they may end up moving farther away from us. They may have made a choice and that choice was a bad one. Instead of jumping over the (counter) or conversation and moving straight to consequence or punishment maybe we could start a dialogue. Something like this...

“I understand why you felt like you need to lie in that situation, I could feel that way to if the circumstances were the same. Can you tell me about what happened?”

That validation may feel a bit counterintuitive, it did for me, but it will get and keep your child talking and as our children grow perhaps they will be more willing

In one of her mysteries (His Burial Too), writer Catherine Aird wrote, “If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.”2 I have been both. The good news is, if as a parent you have been a terrible warning at one time or another, you can choose to be a good example starting immediately.

Parents do make mistakes and parents show rude behavior from time to time. But such behavior doesn’t have to be part of your permanent make-up.

I’m sure as a parent you have looked in the mirror and thought, That wasn’t my best moment. I have.

Not My Best Moment
Several years ago while on a family vacation, I had one such “not my best moment.” We were driving around a busy town I didn’t know very well. My driving ability has come under criticism from time to time while all of the family is

At the bank of Craig and Mary, our children can make deposits, withdrawals, earn interest and manage their trust accounts on their own. But our children do not have total “banking” privacy. When the question comes up in our home about privacy, we check their trust account statements.

Do our children deserve privacy? Does the bank deserve to give you money? The answer to each question could be yes or could be no. If you have a zero balance in your bank account, then no, the bank does not deserve to give you money. The same is true in our home. Do our kids deserve privacy? It depends on how much trust money they have in their account. I do believe that as children get older, they should have some level of privacy for healthy personal growth. However, as a parent, I have a responsibility to

What are we as parents to do? To read or not to read? That is the question.
Look over what a son and his father had to say about the topic of parents monitoring their child’s media.

About a year ago, my dad started monitoring my Facebook page. It’s super annoying. He can see everything I write and everything my friends write. He watches everything. Do I mind him monitoring my Facebook page? Yes, I do. —14-year-old boy

This is a boundary that is tricky, because it involves privacy. If you’re interested in a possible way to avoid at least some cell phone problems, consider signing a cell phone responsibility agreement with each of your children. Download (The Sample Agreement Here)

In a scene from an episode of Modern Family, mom Claire is talking:

Claire: “I’m feeling a little bit disconnected from Alex right now. Last week, I picked up her cell phone thinking it was mine and I accidentally read a few flirty text messages that were probably from a boy in her class, which is fine . . . or they’re from a drifter.” (10)

Can any parent out there give a testimony?

“I wish my son would understand that anything he posts online is not private. Posted information is public, searchable and permanent. . . . As it turns out, my little boy, my little angel, is not so angelic. Unfortunately, he had already learned