Last Christmas at Venture Church. 12-24-19
The one year anniversary of Craig’s death is just around the corner…days away, actually. The gravity of this weighs on my heart just about every minute of the day. Christmas and then bam! There it is, the day he slipped into eternity. How then should I be this season? Should I feel joy because Jesus came into the world to be God with us…Immanuel? Should I feel hope because Jesus made a way for us to see each other again in heaven someday? Should I feel sorrow because Jesus knows what it is like to be sad…in fact that famous verse, you know the shortest one in the Bible, John 11:35, “Jesus wept,” happened because He was grieving the loss of a loved one? I’m not sure how I should be. And 2020 comes next…or “Year two.” What will that be like?
Our stockings, Craig, Mary, Alec, Cameron and Karimy…the holders spell PEACE. If you look closely you can see Craig’s writing on each of the ornaments…precious reminder of his love for us this season.
Today I opened one of Craig’s journals looking for a letter he had written to one of our children years ago and came across a page. I read in Craig’s handwriting,
“Philippians 4:6- Don’t be anxious.”
How to live in peace while in the midst of a hectic pace of life
(Mary substitute..while in the midst of heartbreak.)
Matthew 6:31 “Do not worry about anything.”
How?
Have a plan but don’t worry.
How do others know you’re anxious?
Lines on your face
Tone of voice
Negative attitude
Lack of joy
Look up at the clouds above you
or
Look down at the clouds below you.
The clouds aren’t the difference…your position is.
We either sink in our struggles
or
float by our faith.
Wow! Thank you, Craig. for that reminder. Part of the pain, is really just anxiety or worry. I worry about my family, worry about my finances, worry about my future. And when I do that I sink into sorrow.. I need to change my position.
I would do well to remember all that God has done for me this year, in 2019. God has been there every single step of the way. He has seen every tear, met every need and held me every night. Just last month, he protected us in a snowstorm, took care of us when our car broke down on a mountain freeway and sent just the right people to help us along the way. He reminded me that although I am not a great dad, He is a great Father. I need to remember my position is in His arms. He’s got me.
Snowed in, in Weed, CA!
He has a special place in his heart for widows and the fatherless.
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.
Psalm 68:5
How should I be? I should be grateful.
This season, I will try to echo the words of my namesake, and rejoice in the God who saves. After all, she was faced with an uncertain future and instead of worrying, she focused on the great things that God had done for her…and choose to worship.
And Mary said: “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for the Mighty One has done great things for me— holy is His name. Luke 1:46-47, 49
My hope is that you can look back at 2019, and see God there with you, helping you, and rejoice in those great things. Let’s end 2019 and start 2020, with gratitude and worship for all He has done, trusting Him for our future.
In His Arms,
Mary
