How To Respond To Negative Feedback

Have you ever received negative feedback from something you have said or done? Me neither (Just kidding). I wish I could have all those hours of sleep back that I lost worrying about a comment or email someone had sent me.

Picture this. You have prepared for an event, planned it perfectly and executed it with precision. In fact, on the “Event Evaluation Form” that was handed out you received 10’s across the board from most people and a written note of praise from many of them. There were more than a hundred people confirming your effort, commitment and success of the event. However...

There is that one comment. You know the one. That one comment that stopped just short of talking about your mom. That comment that paints you as the worst person in history. Here is a real life example of what I am talking about. A comment from someone who had constructive criticism for a communicator.

"Poor communicator. He used his time to do mediocre isogesis of Bible stories and referenced topics in sociology and personality theory, but it was obvious he had not done enough in depth homework for it to be helpful. I was very dissatisfied with this session."

Yes. I was the communicator.
It hurt.
It wasn’t the first negative comment I have received.
It wasn’t the worst negative comment I have received.
It won’t be the last negative comment I will receive.

How do we respond to negative feedback? Here are four thoughts.

Keep The Right Perspective
Keep a healthy perspective when you receive negative feedback. Pain gives us perspective, doesn’t it? There are some people who are so negative it’s like they’re earning an award for it. They feel compelled to “help” you with their constructive criticism and honest response. Remember, you can’t please everyone. Keep calm and carry on. It’s one comment, not a life critique.

Put It In A Box
Put those comments in a box. Not to dwell on them but to use them. They may be painful now but they will be priceless later. In twenty years you will have a book or a blog that can help someone else who has received a negative comment.

Ignore The Note
This may seem unconventional but the simple fact is, they are wrong. Someone once told me, “Craig, there’s a little bit of truth in every criticism.” This couldn’t be further from the truth. Sometimes people are just wrong. Listen. If you receive 100 comments and 1 of them is negative, move on. If you receive 100 comments and only 1 is positive then move up and try again. A negative comment isn’t the end of something you did but the beginning of something you will do.

Embrace The Learning
While not all comments are 100% truthful that doesn’t mean you can’t learn something. How about an attitude of humility? How about courage to keep going? How about a sense of humor? How about emotional resilience or gumption, tenacity, grit, commitment, resolve, or the ability to overcome and continue? Embrace that comment, make a change and keep going.

We don’t ever want to develop a callous approach to negative feedback always assuming the writer is wrong, having a bad day, expressing a negative attitude or just wanting to vent. What we should strive for is a tough skin and a sensitive heart. Here are two thoughts to take with you.

Don’t let negative feedback define you, let it develop you.
Don’t let negative feedback make you bitter, let it make you better.

How about you? Haver you ever received negative feedback? How did you respond?



Picture: andrey_l/Shutterstock

4 Leadership Ruts & How To Get Out

Ruts on the road of our leadership lives are worn into place over time by driving in the comfortable groves of complacency. What may have started out as a priority for each of us can erode into a road of indifference. If we aren’t careful our ruts get deeper and turn into graves with the ends knocked out. I have listed a few potential ruts that we can all get stuck in from time to time.

The Entitlement Rut
This is a mindset rut that is akin to the Emperor’s attitude toward his new clothes. We are no longer aware of what we are wearing and no one wants to tell us we’re exposed. The rut of entitlement can permeate all areas of our leadership life. We can move out of this rut by being thankful, grateful for what we have and doing random acts of kindness for others.

The Busyness Rut
The time we used to spend on our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health is not what it used to be. We have to much to do and we can’t, don’t or won’t get to the things that matter most. We get so busy doing we forget being. We are indifferent about our soul care yet passionate about our endeavors. Get out of the busyness rut by taking time each day to pause, read a joke, laugh and enjoy life.

The Education Rut
We have been in our chosen profession long enough to be considered an an authority or an expert. We have written articles, books or both. Complacency sets in and over time we find ourselves in an education rut. We must continually feed our minds with new information and wisdom. It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts. Pick up a new book or magazine that has nothing to do with your profession and give it a read.  

The Accountability Rut
Not having a peer or friend you can talk to somehow gets pushed down the to do list the longer we stay in leadership. More responsibility may come our way so we need to automate our lives. One of the first things to go is relational connection. We no longer take the time to build healthy relationships that keep us  from complacency. Move out of this rut by picking up the phone and calling a good friend. Take them to lunch or for a grande non-fat caramel macchiato. It’s a great first step in reconnecting accountability.

Remember, ruts are worn over time not over night. Doing the same thing, the same way expecting the same results will deepen the groove. The deeper the rut, the harder it is to get out.

What have you done to get out of a leadership rut?

Photo Attribution: istockphoto.com iStock_000015748572

Top 20 Quotes on Work Life Balance

If you haven’t read “From Hectic to Healthy: The Journey to a Balanced Life” here are the top 20 quotes that have been highlighted from others reading the e-versions of the book. I hope they are helpful. (If you haven't read the book you can download Chapter 1 here.)

1. You know you are overworking when a seven week small group study on life balance takes 14 weeks to finish.

2. Coming to the end of something is an opportunity to choose a new beginning. Pg 17

3. When you live life out of its correct season, life begins to SPIN. Pg 18

4. Sometimes we think Jesus is distant and detached when He is simply delaying. Pg 36

5. Can doing more good bring more bad? The unfortunate yet simple answer is yes. There is even a name for it, compassion fatigue. Pg 71

6. It seems like the majority of work environments these days reward employees who are the most out of balance. Pg 85

7. Stress may start in your mind, but it ends up in your body. Pg 91

8. I'm pretty sure we weren't designed to do it all. Pg 91

9. We shouldn't try to tackle every opportunity that comes our way. Pg 91

10. I wonder how many times I continued to beg God for things when the reality was that it was going to take a little work on my part. Pg 187

11. God ceased from His work because He saw that it was good and He was finished. Our problem is that we are rarely satisfied with “good,” and we have a tendency to think that nothing is ever “finished.” Pg 107

12. Most of us believe the word “Sabbath” is Hebrew for errands. It’s not. Pg 109

13. Here's some advice I wish I had given myself 10 years ago: “If you want to change the world, start at home and work out from there.” Pg 136

14. Pain was more prevalent than joy for quite a while in our life, but that doesn't mean we were meant to live in it. Pg 155

15. Mary and I have found that we need to view a balanced life not so much as a destination, but as a journey. Pg 155

16. The more you say yes, the more it leads to stress. Pg 158

17. Time doesn't stop while you try to decide how to take advantage of it. Pg 197

18. I used to say, “Go with the flow,” but in today's fast-paced and occasionally suffocating culture, that could mean we may drown in the current. Pg 112

19. How do you enjoy life when you are in the middle of difficulty? It's certainly not by looking at your surroundings. It's by looking beyond them. Pg 155

20. You never drift into the right place; you must paddle there. Pg 57

Do you have a good quote on work life balance? Would you like to share it?

Photo Attribution: www.philipbloom.net