What Are You Saying When You Don’t Open Your Mouth?

Did you know we communicate more with our mouth closed than open? Depending on who you talk to you will get different thoughts on exactly how much of our communication is nonverbal. Conservative communication professionals would suggest that our nonverbal behavior or body language make up at least 70% of our communication.

Lack of eye contact, a shoulder shrug, arms crossed, a scowl, a frown, eyes wide open, bent over laughing, a huge smile, a tear, or a gaze off in the distance are all ways of communicating with those around us. By understanding the four areas of nonverbal communication we can all do a better job of really understanding what people are saying when they talk to us.

Since we are all communicating all the time here are the four ways we speak the loudest when we are not using our words. I would even go so far as to say the volume is louder at number one and softer as you move toward number four.

How We Talk When We Don’t Use Our Words
1. Facial Expression
2. Eye Movement
3. Body Posture
4. Hand Gestures

Here are a few thoughts on nonverbal communication that are occasionally overlooked.

Nonverbal Communication Is Highly Emotional
If we are excited about something we generally become more animated with our nonverbal communication. Hands moving, eyes wide open, smiling and laughing. If you just won a new car and were telling your friends about it, what would that look like? How would you say it?

Nonverbal Communication Is More Credible
They are called “cues.” A cue is simply something we do that isn’t backed up by what we say. If we are talking to a good friend and keep stopping during the middle of the conversation to reply to a text we are communicating disinterest even thought we said, “Go ahead, I’m listening.” We listen with our eyes more than our ears. Emerson once said, “What you are doing is thundering above your head so loud I can’t hear what you are saying.”

Nonverbal Communication Means You Are Always Communicating
We are walking billboards. The question is, What are we advertising? As we walk through our day or speak with others at the office how are we communicating? Our faces are telling a story whether we tell it to be quiet or not.

Three Ways To Better Nonverbal Communication

1. Watch What You Say, Literally
Record yourself and watch it. Yes, it’s painful. If you are a teacher or communicator it’s good to watch yourself communicate. How many times do you say that word? How fast are you really talking? How often are you looking at your notes? I started recording myself many years ago and still do it today because I want to be a better communicator and remove those annoying habits that can distract from what is being said verbally.

2. Smile
A smile is an inexpensive way to improve our looks and the countenance of others.

3. Be Animated
Use gestures when you talk. Gesture with your face, forehead and eyes. Our eyes are often the best way to communicate. A great reminder from the Bible in Proverbs 15:30 says, “Bright eyes gladden the heart.”

If we work on what our body is really saying then maybe we wouldn’t have to talk so much.

What area do you need to work on this week? 1, 2 or 3? Why?
1. Watching what you say
2. Smiling
3. Being Animated

Photo: istockphoto.com File #4356705 Joan Vicent Cantó Roig

How To Be A Pitch Perfect Leader

This last week Mary and I relived a little 80’s with some friends by attending an REO Speedwagon concert. The group had finished one song and was making a segue into another one which I just happened to know. So, without missing a beat, I started singing the words right along with the band. Mary was recording a video with her phone while all this was happening. No, it will not be posted. The reason follows below.

When we got back to the car with our friends, John and Debbie, Mary broke out the cell phone to look back at the videos. She scrolled to the video where I was singing and It wasn’t pretty. Apparently, I couldn’t hear myself over the band playing and according to John I was a little, “pitchy.” He was wrong.

I wasn’t “pitchy.” I was grossly off key! I was, however, lyrically brilliant. I got every word right but every note wrong. The professional would have said I was “musically dissonant.”

Dissonance, according to dictionary.com, is “A combination of tones considered to be unrelieved tension and require resolution.” There are some of us who may know the words but can’t harmonize or even hit a note. Lyrically smart but musically challenged.

Have you ever thought about leadership in this musical way? Is there such a thing as dissonant leader? Lyrically they “know” leadership but relationally they are “off key.” They portray a harsh, disagreeable combination of sounds or discord. There is no harmony in their relationships or at the very least, “relationally pitchy.”

Ways We Get Off Key In Our Leadership

• Controlling
• Antagonistic
• Pushy
• Unaware
• Disconnected

The opposite of being musically dissonant is to be musically resonant. The word “resonant” means synchronous vibration or harmonious. When a band is together lyrically and musically we would say they are in harmony with each other. Being in harmony with others in a group is not just audible, it’s visible too.

In a band everyone in the group should be vocally connected and working together, they should be resonant! The same is true of a leader. A great leader should also be vocally connected and working together, they should be resonant!  

Ways We Harmonize In Our Leadership

• Understanding
• Aware
• Empathetic
• Relational
• Encourager

You can be a smart dissonant leader or an emotionally intelligent resonant one. This week lets lower the noise, turn up the music and harmonize with others. You will sound much better than  an unfortunate iPhone recording at a REO Speedwagon concert.

In what way will you be a pitch perfect leader this week? You can pick one from above.

Photo: www.flickr.com/photos/sergiu_bacioiu/4664215911
creativecommons.org/licenses

How To Reverse The Rapids of Busyness

 

There is an interesting phenomenon that occurs every day along the Saint John River in Saint John, New Brunswick. The river is the longest river in Atlantic Canada, with a length of 418 miles. The river empties into the Bay of Fundy located between Maine and Nova Scotia.

The most interesting thing about this river is a phenomenon called the Reversing Falls, which is caused by the high tides in the Bay of Fundy. Each day the river flows downstream and into the bay. The Bay of Fundy at low tide is about 14 feet lower than the natural level of the river, which allows the river to empty into the bay. But what would happen if the tide rose above 14 feet? Wouldn't it push the river in the opposite direction? The answer is yes. And that's what happens every day along the Saint John River.

When high tide rolls in, the bay begins to rise and eventually interrupts the flow of the river. Once the bay fills to the height at which the river is flowing, the river stops moving and lays perfectly calm. Those who travel the river call this time “slack tide,” and it's the only time during the day that boats can safely travel on the river.

As high tide continues to fill the bay, it actually begins to push the river in the opposite direction. The river reverses its flow. The force of the rising tide is so strong that rapids actually develop in the opposite direction. High tide peaks at nearly 14 feet higher than the flow of the river, causing the reversing rapids.

The unusual nature of the Saint John River is a great illustration for how to reverse our busy lives. Here are three actions we can take.

1. Raise Your Relaxation Level
Raise the tide of relaxation in your life. In order for the St. John river to reverse against itself a force strong enough must not only equal but overpower the existing force. I can’t tell you how many people, including myself, would give a testimony on the importance of taking two weeks of vacation in a row rather than two separate one week vacations. My reason is because the first week got me to slack tide, the second reversed my outlook on busyness!

2. Request Time off The River
There are times on the St. John River when it is unsafe to navigate. The same is true with our life. It’s not worth the effort or energy when your life’s boat will capsize because the current has whisked you away and out to sea. We all need time off the river. We all need time off work. Take the vacation you have and don’t let it accrue. Dock your boat and take a walk.

3. Remove The Guilt of Slack Tide
“Slacker!” That word penetrates the heart, mind and very soul of a type “A” driven leader. However, in order for the rapids of busyness to be reversed there needs to be a time of slack tide. A daily time of calm stillness. What does that look like for you? Are you ok with that? How can you make that happen?

When our lives begin to rise up with unbusy thinking a hectic life can be reversed and a healthy life can begin.

Which is more difficult for you?
1. To take all of your vacation time? or
2. To find time for daily stillness?

Photo: photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/svimes/3195312614/">svimes</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>