You will create memories
Families have memories. Walk through someone’s home and you’re bound to see numerous pictures hanging on the wall or propped up on a bookcase. Each picture tells a story and your leadership team needs its own set of stories. Weeks after this year’s conference, my team still sends text messages referring to one or more of our experiences. Plus, if you’re able to acquire an embarrassing picture of a team member or two, you’ll be able to keep them in youth ministry indefinitely.

You will share a common experience
Having a common reference point is invaluable. All too often I’ve had an amazing experience and tried to share with friends what I saw or felt or heard. And more often than I like to admit, I have to watch my friend fight back a yawn. Maybe I’m not a good storyteller, but it’s also true that it’s impossible to recreate the experience. Imagine being able to start your sentences with, “Hey, remember when....”  Not only does a shared experience enable you to reflect but it also helps you to evaluate. “What did you think about that last message? Workshop? Resource?” And a shared experience allows you to ask the really important questions: “Did you see who ate my pizza?” 

You will be equipped
I had rookie youth workers with me and a woman with 30 years of  ministry experience. The rookies were in youth ministry wonderland. I had to carry tissues with me to wipe the drool from their lips. My 30-year vet could have taught the bulk of the workshops. She is gifted, qualified, and experienced. Yet, she was wide-eyed the entire conference, ferociously taking notes, asking thought-provoking questions, and debriefing each session as if her life depended on it. She was literally in tears one night, sharing about what she learned in her workshop. SYMC does a terrific job offering something for everyone. 

You will create a culture of learning
Besides doing a great job equipping us as youth workers, SYMC does a terrific job at reminding us that we need to be life-long learners. None of us has arrived; all of us need to grow in our relationship with God, in our ability to love and serve one another, and in our skill set as youth workers. It has been helpful having my conference teammates talking up and encouraging participation in our own training times at home. Not only are they more ready to learn, but since they’ve been equipped I’m having them do some of the training, too. 

You will have fun
TV show My Name is Earl reminds us that, “Whoever said laughter is the best medicine never had gonorrhea.” True, but as Milton Berle says, “Laughter is an instant vacation.” Even though I wept in worship and was challenged at workshops, my favorite part of the conference was laughing with my teammates. Laugher feels good, unites, and refreshes. The laughter alone was worth the investment in the conference, but when you consider the other benefits...you’ve got to get there next year. 

Two amazing conference ideas:
Simply Youth Ministry Conference in Indianapolis, IN (March 1-4, 2013)

National Youth Workers Convention in San Diego, CA (Oct 12-14, 2012) and Dallas, TX (Nov 16-18, 2012)

But there’s good news. Many of the mistakes we make are predictable, so they can easily be avoided. But even if you do make the mistakes, there are solutions to remedy the problem, or at least minimize the pain. I should know: I have first hand experience with each of these mistakes. 

For part 1, click here.

3) Try to Be Perfect

So much of ministry is about being there: the ministry of presence. And if you’re consumed with something you did or said wrong, you’re majoring on the minors. Students read body language and facial expressions. They need you to stop trying to be  perfect.

Solution: 

Learn to laugh at yourself...for two reasons. 
1) Students will point out your mistakes anyway. Might as well have fun with it.
2) You are modeling for students how to respond to failure. You want them to pick themselves up and learn from their mistakes, so don’t dwell on yours.

4) Expect Too Little
Ministry veterans have been there/done that and because of their experience they’re able to predict results with uncanny accuracy. This is a dangerous lifestyle. Instead of praying for revival at a retreat, you know on average 3-5 students will make a decision for Christ, so you pray for 3-5 students. Open box...insert God. 

Solution: 
a) Repent! Ask God to forgive your lack of faith and pray for revival in your life and in the lives of the students you serve.
b) Continue to learn (you’re doing it now!). Hang out with people who have crazy faith. Let their faith and energy rub off on you.

5) Leave God Out
We get so busy serving God we forget to be with God, we forget to talk to God, and we forget to listen to God. When I first started in ministry a vet youth worker said, “Don’t let your service exceed your worship.” I fight that temptation on a regular basis. 

Solution: 
a) Stop. If you have a choice between a last-second review of your notes for a Bible study, or sitting still in the presence of God, go with God. Every time.
b) Model reliance on God. Pray with students before everything and talk about God’s answers to prayer. I think God answers prayer far more than we give God credit. Let’s help students get excited that God does hear our prayers and answers them.

You have a heart for seeing God do great things in student ministry. Avoiding these common mistakes will help you have a healthy and effective career in ministry.

But there is good news. Many of the mistakes we make are predictable. If we think through what we might anticipate, we’ll be able to avoid them or, at least, minimize any potential damage. I have first hand experience with each of these mistakes.

1) Expect Too Much (often a rookie mistake)
If you’re new in ministry, you likely have grand plans and vision that would make corporate giants want to hire you as a a consultant. Vision is a good problem! It’s important to set big goals and believe we serve the God of the impossible. Therefore, we need to dream big and pray for miracles. The challenge, however, is that when our expectations are not met, we can think there's something wrong with us, our church, our students, other leaders, or parents.

Solution:

1. Dream big, but thank God for the results...even if they fail to come close to your expectations.
2. Take notes. What did you learn from the experience? What did you learn about how you led, how students responded, how the event or small group was scheduled.
3. Get ready for the next lesson or event...because it’s probably just a week away.

2) Not Patient (often a rookie mistake)
Rick Warren teaches that we overestimate what we can do in a year and underestimate what we can do in ten years. We are victims of a microwave society. Since we have access to instant coffee, fast food, and social media devices that instantly connect us, we expect instant disciples. A student confesses an addiction to food, sex, or alcohol, and we’re frustrated when he or she isn’t “fixed” a week later.

Solution:

1. Slow down and stay put. The biggest impact you can make is to stay involved in the same ministry for years. Or, choose to follow a group of students until they graduate--from college! Start working w/ 6 or 7th graders and stay with them until the graduate from high school. Then stay engaged with them afterwards, too.
2. Celebrate baby steps of faith. Maybe the students you work with can’t walk on water, but if they give up a Saturday night to serve senior citizens, that’s equally miraculous.

To be continued...

• You’re frustrated when parents don’t give the nudge or shove you think would help their child participate
• You smile and nod as parents give yet another excuse as to why their child won’t be attending a retreat or activity
• You walk away dejected when you hear a few parents question or demean the youth group, with little to no resistance from usually supportive parents

That’s frustrating and, likely, undeserving. Or is it? True, the gossip that flitters from family to family is never OK, nor are the thoughtless and often demeaning remarks about the youth program or your perceived work ethic. But sometimes parents have a right to be leery of offering their full support. Have we as youth workers created an environment that parents can support?

There is no perfect youth group. There is no perfect program. There is no perfect youth ministry model. In fact, there are no perfect youth workers. But in my nearly twenty-five years in ministry (the majority with students) and fourteen years as a parent, I have not found parents looking for perfection. Some do present themselves that way, but once you crack their cold, professional exterior, you’ll find broken people who love their kids and are desperate for help. Parents aren’t looking for perfection, but they are looking for three things: 

Safety
Before you tune out and shout, “The gospel isn’t safe!” be sure you understand what kind of safety parents desire. Parents will support your mission trip to third-world countries and inner-city neighborhoods. They will get behind you challenging their teen to live holy lives in an unholy world. Heck, if it were legal, they might even participate in their own round of Chubby Bunny. Ultimately, parents want to know that we have a clue. They want to know when they leave their child under our supervision, that we will care for their child’s physical, emotional, and spiritual health. It means we take time to think through how we welcome students, how we discipline them, how we split up teams or groups. Parents want us to care for their kids like they would. And that’s reasonable. 

Clarity
Some parents understand ministry philosophy and strategy, and they’ll have opinions whether or not they agree with yours. But most–even the opinionated ones–just want to know that you’ve thought through why you’re doing what you’re doing. Parents have a right to expect their church youth group to be different from the school’s social clubs. They want their kids to yell and scream and have fun, but they also want their kids to be challenged spiritually. They’ll want their kids to have a heart for children around the world, but they also want them to stop bullying their brothers and sisters. Parents want us to put effort into praying for and planning the ministry calendar. And that’s reasonable. 

Communication
As a parent, I’m frustrated when my school gives me information about an upcoming event, only to change it at the last minute. It’s also aggravating to not find out about an event until an hour before. Granted, sometimes a school or teacher has no control over last-minute changes, and often I don’t find out about events because my children have failed to communicate with me. The issue isn’t whether or not that happens; it’s whether or not that is a pattern. Youth workers need to make clear communication with parents a priority. Whether you haven’t done that in the past because you’re intimidated by parents or because you’ve never thought about it, now is the time to improve. Our technological age provides numerous ways to communicate. And while you don’t have to use each and every mode, focus on one or two and do them well. Parents want to know what’s going on in our youth groups. And that’s reasonable.

Sometimes a parent’s frustration can be ignored, and other times it can sound an alarm. Are we as youth workers providing a ministry context that is safe, has a plan, and clearly communicates what’s happening? If so, thats a healthy start.

To be continued....

Think About It

1. Why does your youth group exist? What are its goals?
2. How often do you communicate with families, as a group and as individuals?
3. Do you have a youth ministry strategy that makes sense? Even if it’s not where you want it to be, are you beginning to lay a solid foundation?

I’ve listened to parents lament that their child does not feel part of our youth group, and I’ve consoled parents when their college freshmen have made unhealthy choices. But many of those outcomes stem from what I believe are misplaced priorities.

Our church recently had a Jr High retreat, an event in which I highly encouraged parents to register their child. Yet, these are some of the reasons parents shared as to why their child would not participate:

• She has a marching band competition that she can't miss.
• He can’t go because he has a soccer game.
• She has three things she has to do that can't be rescheduled.
• He has to meet with his tutor to prep for a test.
• School commitments take up so much of her time.

All of the above are excellent activities and, honestly, reasonable explanations for why their child would not attend. I’m not criticizing the excuses, nor am I isolating the activities. What concerns me is that parents often fail to lead their children with the end goal in mind. Parents claim to have goals for their children, but I fear they are not the best goals.

I have three children, two of them teenagers, and I want them to be physically fit, adept in social settings, achieve all they can academically, and plenty of other laudable goals. But my greatest desire, my biggest prayer, is that they would be spiritually mature. In fact, I am willing to sacrifice their education, their chair in the orchestra, or time on the playing field for them to walk out of my home and into the world prepared to succeed as best as possible.

Some might retort, “My child needs to do well in school or athletics in order to get into a top college. That has to take priority.” Again, hear my heart: I agree that is a valuable priority, but even if your son or daughter gets a full scholarship, unless he or she has the skills and knowledge necessary to overcome peer and intellectual pressure, that scholarship may end up being withdrawn or traded for unhealthy lifestyle choices. I’m all for education, but not at the expense of my children’s mental, emotional, or spiritual health.

I think the reason I have not addressed this in the past is because it only affected me as a youth worker. While I believed the same things years ago, I feel them so much more because I am a parent who often fails to have the end goal in mind. I am a parent who wrestles with priorities, and whether or not my children can skip church this week or next. I recognize now, more than ever, that the sand in my “kids at home” hourglass is all too quickly running out. I feel the pressure to do everything perfectly so that my kids don’t end up as statistics, don’t get hurt by their choices, and don’t miss out on all God has for them. Of course, perfect parenting is foolish. It’s both a  heavy burden and an impossible aspiration. So, I don’t strive for perfection, but the cry of my heart is that I make a right decision...today. And maybe another one tomorrow. How about a few next week?

Of course, sprinkled within and around those good parenting choices are plenty of horrible ones. But I am looking to the future, praying for help, and seeking to connect with my kids today. And sometimes it means my kids miss a soccer game or don’t get to attend their play practice because I want them to attend a church event to further mold and develop their spiritual hearts.  May God help us all as we parent. 

To be continued....

Talk About It As a Family
1. What goals does our family have for the health of the kids?
2. Is it ever OK for an activity or goal to take the place of church or youth group? When?
3. What are 1-2 things we can do as a family this week to help us connect with one another and with God?

The same is true with ministry, except in a positive way. These little things also get attention, but instead of repelling they attract; instead of frustrating, they encourage.

1) Handwritten notes
You may not be aware, but we still have a postal service. In our electronic age, it’s easy to forget, particularly when postal carriers only deliver bills, junk mail, and oversized postcards advertising church services (oops, that was our church). But they’re allowed to deliver good news, too, so give them a chance. I can’t tell you how many student and leader homes I’ve been in that have a postcard I sent hanging on a wall or refrigerator. It has double impact when sending to students, because parents also see them. I can vouch for that when one of my female leaders sent a card to my daughter. Not only was I encouraged (it’s nice when other people build into your child), but my daughter was, too--as evidenced by the card hanging on her wall.

2) Going to games & events
I’ve had several students act indifferent to my attendance at their event, but often their parents call or email to say how excited their teen was that I came. You may not be able to tell by their body language, but their hearts fill. I still laugh at the extreme response given by Chet. I told him I planned on going to his game, but I guess he didn’t believe me. When I arrived in the 3rd inning, I sat in the shade, just off the foul line in right field. Chet saw me while his team was at bat. He left the dugout and jogged out to where I sat and thanked me for coming. I reminded him the game was still going on and that he should probably be with his team, but his ear-to-ear grin cemented in my heart the power of presence.

3) Encouraging parents
I’m weak at this one. Actually, I’m terrible since I can’t think of a simple example of when I’ve done this. But I know it’s important and parents crave it. Part of my problem is that I forget the role parents should have in my ministry. I’m quick to complain about their lack of involvement, but I’m also guilty of not providing opportunities. This is my practice point this week and this summer. I’m going to make calls, write notes, and meet parents for coffee--all with the express purpose of bragging on their kids and finding out how I can pray for them.

Little things matter. Got an itch in an awkward spot? I bet you’ll get creative to scratch it. Our students and parents are itching to be loved and affirmed. Let’s scratch that itch.

Think About It:
1. Who are three people you can write a note to this week? (Don’t forget to buy stamps.)
2. What student can you pop in to see at work or other activity this week or next? (Don’t forget to check their schedule.)
3. What parent have you not connected with lately? Pick a time TODAY to make a call or send an email. (I’m doing it now...DONE!)

Question: What other LITTLE things can make a BIG difference in ministry?

1) What is your ministry’s purpose?In other words, why do you exist? More importantly, how does it reveal itself in your programming, advertising, and the overall vibe of your ministry? I can tell you we exist so students can ‘Dare to Love, Serve, and Lead.’ But I can also tell you that you would never have known that the second half of last school year. We stopped talking about it and it ceased to be a priority. Come up with a biblically sound statement, but then do something with it.

2) What are your ministry goals?
This is directly connected to #1 and adds meat to your ministry skeleton. Having a purpose statement is important, but it’s meaningless if you don’t have goals directly connected to it. You don’t always have to have ground breaking goals. It’s OK to say you want to have a “10% increase in mission trip participation.” But connect that goal to your ministry purpose so both fit hand-in-hand. 

3) What is your ministry theme for the year? (or semester)
A theme actually keeps the purpose alive and the goals relevant. Our purpose statement can quickly be forgotten. But if I say “this semester we’re focusing on risk [ministry theme] because that’s what our youth group is about. We will dare to love, serve, and lead [ministry purpose], and one goal for our year is to have the most students attend this year’s retreat [ministry goal]. Sometimes it’s risky to invite friends, but that’s what ‘dare’ means. We dare you to step out in faith.” 

4) What are your personal goals?
Stop thinking about ministry so much! We need to be passionate and excited about what we do in ministry, but we also need to have a life. When was the last time you went out with friends who were not students or youth leaders? Do you have any? When was the last time a student asked what you did Friday night and thought you were weird? Do things YOU care about. Learn things YOU want to learn. Go to movies YOU want to see because you like an actor, genre, or director...not to find a good illustration. 

5) What kind of attitude do you have for ministry this school year?
You won’t always be excited and in love with God, students, and ministry. But it sure helps if you were more often than not. You’re not helping anyone if you’re making it a habit of pretending. I’ve been there and it’s lonely, dangerous and harmful. If you’re struggling, talk to friends. Talk to a therapist. Have a heart to heart with God. This may be there year to step away for a season of ministry, or this may be the year to expect a break through.

You’ll have to make plenty of decisions this school year, but don’t ignore these questions. How you respond will in many ways determine how your ministry year goes. As well as your personal and mental health.

Mission trips are too important to allow just anyone to go. It’s better NOT to go on a trip than having to babysit a group of leaders. So what do you look for in a leader? 

Go for experience
Don’t worry about whether or not they’ve got mission trip experience, but go with people you have experience with. A proven track record is valuable when entering the unknown. 

Go for potential
This is somewhat of a gamble because you’re breaking the ‘go for experience’ rule, but take a chance and invite someone you would love to see on your ministry team. A mission trip is baptism by fire, but if they’re a good fit, you will likely be able to keep them on your team when they return. 

Go for humility
You want people who can laugh at themselves and are willing to serve. Let leaders know they’ll likely be cleaning bathrooms. If they’re still around after you complete that sentence, that’s a good sign. 

Go for flexibility
It’s important to plan ahead, but mission trip plans change and do so with much frequency. I’ve had Type-A leaders be quite successful on mission trips, but they needed to be cautioned to expect change. 

Go for low maintenance
Is the potential leader worried about whether or not hair dryers will be provided? Do they insist on taking extra baggage? If so, it’s likely they are extra baggage. Caution!

Mission trips are not only important for students, but for leaders as well. Successful mission trips usually solidify a leader’s continued involvement for the next school year, so bring as many as you can...but with great selectivity.

One more word of warning: Watch out for those potential leaders (parents?) who suddenly show an interest in the trip because they question your ability to lead. In that scenario it’s always best to leave that adult at home...even if it means leaving their student, too.

I’m not an expert on missions, but in the past month, our church has gone on four mission trips and used three different mission agencies. I’ve learned there are important questions to ask. While it’s critical to know the cost for the trip and the actual location where you’re serving, you’ve got to know more than that. Here are key questions to ask before finalizing your mission trip destination. 

1. What’s included in the cost of the trip?
The brochures show students wearing cool T-shirts and advertises exciting adventures to enjoy on a free day. But are those items an additional charge?

2. Will transportation be provided to and from the mission site as well as to and from the airport? (And if so, who pays for it?)
It’s not a good feeling to be greeted by your mission trip host who asks, “How are you getting the team to our camp?”

3. What is the organization’s theological position or statement of faith?
If going with a large mission organization, this is usually not an issue, but you don’t want to be the mission trip leader who has the reputation of practicing snake handling.

4. Will a worship leader be provided?
Again, the brochure might reveal students singing with all their hearts, but is that worship leader in the picture provided by the church or organization?

5. What do you mean by “modest” clothing?
Be specific. In some parts of the world a Speedo is modest. Ask them to email photos of what is and is not modest.

6. Is there a formal teaching time during the day?
If so, who leads it? Ever experienced that awkward pause when no one is getting up to teach, only to discover everyone is looking at you?

7. What can we expect for food and lodging?
Does the mission organization provide three meals a day, or do they expect you to provide your own lunch each day. Ask for photos of the lodging. Are there bunk beds? Do you need bedding? Is there electricity for blowing up air mattresses?

8. What is the schedule?
Be clear on what you’ll be doing the entire day. Don’t settle for “we’ll do ministry during the day.” What kind of ministry? How long will it take? Do you need to bring supplies?

9. Is there free time?
If so, what are the options? How does your group get there? Who pays for meals during free time?

10. Who are some references I can contact?
It’s important that the organization be able to provide 5-6 names of churches they’ve worked with. Take five minutes and call 1-2 and get their perspective. Be sure to ask your youth network for their recommendations and what they know about this organization.

BONUS: Ask to speak to the person leading the trip. The office personnel who handle registration and pre-trip details are probably wonderful people who are excited to tell you all they know. But their experience might only be from what they’ve heard form others. Talk to someone who has slept in the same beds you’ll be sleeping in and eaten the same food, and someone who knows how far it is form the airport to the mission site because they’ve been there.

We just returned from an outstanding mission trip experience, but that is not always the case. Ask lots of questions BEFORE you go. Do as much research as possible at home so that when you see “beach evangelism” on the schedule, you can be confident everyone is clothed.

One of the challenges of youth ministry is that there is no ONE WAY to do ministry. Every student, every family, every church, every community is unique, requiring the ability to adapt or recreate ministry plans. That means if something works in one church, it doesn’t mean it will work in yours. In fact, if something worked in your church this year, it doesn’t mean it will work next year. Depending on your personality, the frequency of change in ministry excites you or frustrates you. Either way, it’s there.

One of the challenges I tried to overcome this ministry year is insuring that we did not lose any students. It’s natural that students come and go, but I didn’t want to be surprised. If a student had not been attending for 4 weeks, I wanted to know why. Seems reasonable and pastoral...but not necessarily easy. I also wanted our students to know they would be known and cared for. If my bank and dry cleaner can remember my birthday and send me a card each year, our ministry ought to be able to do the same for our students. But we needed a plan.

Our database included basic information on students: name, address, contact info, school, grade, etc. But I added a few more categories: birthday, favorite snack, and adult leader.

The birthdate was obvious: I wanted to wish them a happy birthday and send a card. Facebook helps with this as it announces upcoming birthdays, but I wanted a more personal touch by sending a card via snail mail and include their favorite snack as a bonus treat. Students loved it--and so did parents. It was a simple yet effective way to communicate care.

But the most significant thing we did was assign an adult leader to each student. It was not possible for me to be accountable for each student--plus, not every student connected with me. So leaders were assigned 4-5 students or--in some cases--10-15. It worked great--in theory. The challenge arose when leaders didn’t know students or when leaders had too many students. They were either intimidated or overwhelmed, so as we look ahead to the new school year, we’re making some basic changes.

1. Instead of assigning students to leaders, I’m allowing leaders to pick the students they know, and I’m asking them to only pick as many as they believe they can effectively care for. The goal is that this will provide natural motivation for follow up with a reasonable amount of students.
2. For students who are not selected, I will seek adults in the church who agree to pray for them and contact them once a month to see how they’re doing and invite them to upcoming events. And I will personally follow up with any students who remain.

It’s simple and only a slight modification to what we’re doing this year, but my hope is that more students will be cared for and more leaders will be motivated to reach out. Sometimes ministry ideas need an over-haul and sometimes a tweak. We’re hoping this tweak will help.