How To Respond To Negative Feedback

Have you ever received negative feedback from something you have said or done? Me neither (Just kidding). I wish I could have all those hours of sleep back that I lost worrying about a comment or email someone had sent me.

Picture this. You have prepared for an event, planned it perfectly and executed it with precision. In fact, on the “Event Evaluation Form” that was handed out you received 10’s across the board from most people and a written note of praise from many of them. There were more than a hundred people confirming your effort, commitment and success of the event. However...

There is that one comment. You know the one. That one comment that stopped just short of talking about your mom. That comment that paints you as the worst person in history. Here is a real life example of what I am talking about. A comment from someone who had constructive criticism for a communicator.

"Poor communicator. He used his time to do mediocre isogesis of Bible stories and referenced topics in sociology and personality theory, but it was obvious he had not done enough in depth homework for it to be helpful. I was very dissatisfied with this session."

Yes. I was the communicator.
It hurt.
It wasn’t the first negative comment I have received.
It wasn’t the worst negative comment I have received.
It won’t be the last negative comment I will receive.

How do we respond to negative feedback? Here are four thoughts.

Keep The Right Perspective
Keep a healthy perspective when you receive negative feedback. Pain gives us perspective, doesn’t it? There are some people who are so negative it’s like they’re earning an award for it. They feel compelled to “help” you with their constructive criticism and honest response. Remember, you can’t please everyone. Keep calm and carry on. It’s one comment, not a life critique.

Put It In A Box
Put those comments in a box. Not to dwell on them but to use them. They may be painful now but they will be priceless later. In twenty years you will have a book or a blog that can help someone else who has received a negative comment.

Ignore The Note
This may seem unconventional but the simple fact is, they are wrong. Someone once told me, “Craig, there’s a little bit of truth in every criticism.” This couldn’t be further from the truth. Sometimes people are just wrong. Listen. If you receive 100 comments and 1 of them is negative, move on. If you receive 100 comments and only 1 is positive then move up and try again. A negative comment isn’t the end of something you did but the beginning of something you will do.

Embrace The Learning
While not all comments are 100% truthful that doesn’t mean you can’t learn something. How about an attitude of humility? How about courage to keep going? How about a sense of humor? How about emotional resilience or gumption, tenacity, grit, commitment, resolve, or the ability to overcome and continue? Embrace that comment, make a change and keep going.

We don’t ever want to develop a callous approach to negative feedback always assuming the writer is wrong, having a bad day, expressing a negative attitude or just wanting to vent. What we should strive for is a tough skin and a sensitive heart. Here are two thoughts to take with you.

Don’t let negative feedback define you, let it develop you.
Don’t let negative feedback make you bitter, let it make you better.

How about you? Haver you ever received negative feedback? How did you respond?



Picture: andrey_l/Shutterstock

4 Leadership Ruts & How To Get Out

Ruts on the road of our leadership lives are worn into place over time by driving in the comfortable groves of complacency. What may have started out as a priority for each of us can erode into a road of indifference. If we aren’t careful our ruts get deeper and turn into graves with the ends knocked out. I have listed a few potential ruts that we can all get stuck in from time to time.

The Entitlement Rut
This is a mindset rut that is akin to the Emperor’s attitude toward his new clothes. We are no longer aware of what we are wearing and no one wants to tell us we’re exposed. The rut of entitlement can permeate all areas of our leadership life. We can move out of this rut by being thankful, grateful for what we have and doing random acts of kindness for others.

The Busyness Rut
The time we used to spend on our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health is not what it used to be. We have to much to do and we can’t, don’t or won’t get to the things that matter most. We get so busy doing we forget being. We are indifferent about our soul care yet passionate about our endeavors. Get out of the busyness rut by taking time each day to pause, read a joke, laugh and enjoy life.

The Education Rut
We have been in our chosen profession long enough to be considered an an authority or an expert. We have written articles, books or both. Complacency sets in and over time we find ourselves in an education rut. We must continually feed our minds with new information and wisdom. It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts. Pick up a new book or magazine that has nothing to do with your profession and give it a read.  

The Accountability Rut
Not having a peer or friend you can talk to somehow gets pushed down the to do list the longer we stay in leadership. More responsibility may come our way so we need to automate our lives. One of the first things to go is relational connection. We no longer take the time to build healthy relationships that keep us  from complacency. Move out of this rut by picking up the phone and calling a good friend. Take them to lunch or for a grande non-fat caramel macchiato. It’s a great first step in reconnecting accountability.

Remember, ruts are worn over time not over night. Doing the same thing, the same way expecting the same results will deepen the groove. The deeper the rut, the harder it is to get out.

What have you done to get out of a leadership rut?

Photo Attribution: istockphoto.com iStock_000015748572

5 Ways To Be A Better Follower

Have you ever heard someone say, “Lead, follow or get out of the way?” Have you ever said it? I have. Quietly, on the inside, to myself while watching what appeared to be a lack of effective leadership unfolding right in front of me. I’m sorry to say that in some instances I wanted to shout, “please stop leading, please don’t follow and please get out of the way!”

In those moments I have suffered at the hands of my own arrogance. I would be so busy analyzing what the leader was doing wrong or how I could do it better that I wouldn’t stop to ask myself, “how can I be the best follower in this moment?”

Here’s a thought that crossed my mind. Maybe if the leader in the above scenario had a better follower they would have been more successful. What does that say about the role of the follower?

While preparing a talk on teamwork for an upcoming conference I was reading Joshua chapter one verses sixteen through eighteen. I was trying to identify what great teams have in common. After a few hours it hit me. I was so busy trying to figure out what to teach that I forgot to listen. Right there on the pages was a lesson for me. Specifically, five ways I can be a better follower.

And they answered Joshua, saying, All that you have commanded us we will do, and wherever you send us we will go. Just as we obeyed Moses in all things, so we will obey you; only may the LORD your God be with you, as He was with Moses. "Anyone who rebels against your command and does not obey your words in all that you command him, shall be put to death; only be strong and courageous. Joshua 1:16-18

All that you have commanded us we will do. Flexible
Being flexible as a follower fuels confidence in the leader. Willingness of the follower to do whatever needs to be done will ultimately allow the leader to focus on more important things. Spending time trying to convince a stubborn follower to be more flexible is not a good use of their time.

And wherever you send us we will go. Adaptable
When things don’t go according to plan the leader can always use the follower who is adaptable. The leader may not want another idea or another way to do something especially when managing something in crisis. They just want someone to step up, adapt to the situation, and get it done.

Just as we obeyed Moses in all things, so we will obey you. Respectful
We had his back, now we got yours! They respected the leadership of Joshua by showing loyalty and commitment.

Only may the LORD your God be with you, as He was with Moses. Hopeful
Followers who are hopeful breathe life into the leader. Followers who are resentful only suffocate the leaders ability to move forward.

Be strong and courageous. Powerful
Encouraging the leader gives them power to keep moving forward when they need it most. As a follower, when the horizon seems darkest for the leader, we need to speak up with words of courage to give them hope to carry on and not give up.

I’m sure many of you reading this post would say you naturally default to leadership. Me too. However, there are times each one of us are in the position to follow. When we find ourself in that spot we need to the best we can to follow well. Don’t you think?

Has there been a time when you feel you could have done better as a follower? What was it?

www.istockphoto.com File #21094679 © Johan Swanepoel