Review: 3 Fears That Paralyze A Leaders Potential
1. The Fear of Imperfection
If my fear of imperfection makes me want to cover up, then Be Aware.
2. The Fear of Connection
If my fear of connection makes me want to hide, then Be Vulnerable.
3. The Fear of Rejection
I know, I know, leaders don’t fear rejection. Well, at least we don’t fear it out loud. I have met many leaders, including myself, that say, “I don’t care what others think.” Ok, I get it, I understand. There are two problems with this. First, we really do care what people think but saying we don’t somehow makes us a better leader? There is something wrong with that philosophy.
Second, and most important, if we don’t care what others think then, according to researcher Brene Brown, “We loose the capacity for connection.” I hope you heard that last line. "We loose the capacity for connection."
If we we don’t connect with others on a deeper level we will continue in our cycle of shame survival by covering up or hiding in plain site, neither which is good for our Soul Care. We NEED to care, on some level, what others think.
If we resist connection and if covering up and hiding don’t work we resort to our last effort, blame.
(11) “Who told you that you were naked?” the Lord God asked. “Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?” (12) The man replied, “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.” (13) Then the Lord God asked the woman, “What have you done?” “The serpent deceived me,” she replied. “That’s why I ate it.” Genesis 3:11-13 NLT
In Defense of Shame
The man replied, “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.”
Have you ever noticed how exceptional and concise Adam was at allocating blame to those, and there were only two, around him? In just seven words he wraps both Eve and God up into a nice little shame package, “It was the woman you gave me…”
"People who have a strong sense of shame and unworthiness will usually find fault and blame those around them for their feelings of unworthiness."
5 Ways We Defend Our Shame
We get Cynical - Sarcastically demeaning others while honoring myself.
We get Critical - Pointing out the faults of others to feel better about myself.
We get Analytical - Focusing on how my behavior Is better than yours.
We get Judgmental - Making accusations about your conduct.
We get Biblical - Using spirituality to point out the faults of others.
"Believers who feel deep shame often feel it necessary to remind others of theirs."
If My Fear of Rejection Makes Me Want To Blame…Be Humble
But this is the man to whom I will look and have regard: he who is humble and of a broken or wounded spirit, and who trembles at My word and reveres My commands. Isaiah 66:2b AMP
3 Ways Humility Opens Powerful Possibilities
1. Understand Where I Am
The biggest hurdle to healing is asking for help. Arrogance and fear both stand in our way.
- Arrogance says, "I have it all together."
- Fear says, "I don't want others to know that I don't have it all together."
The prodigal son had both and when he was face down in a pig trough, “He came to himself.” Luke 15:17. Isn't that where we usually, "come to ourselves?" It's never in our grandest moment but in our weakest state where we come to ourselves.
We all need to come to (the end) of our self.
2. Courage To Get Up
Once the Prodigal Son came to himself he made the choice to get up.
“I will get up and go to my father…” Luke 15:18 AMP.
Each step we take in humility brings us closer to home. We take one step at a time by reaching out to one person. We take one step by sharing our story. We need to take one step at a time. Take a step today.
3. Resilience To Keep Going
As the Prodigal Son got closer to home I think the steps got shorter and harder to take. I wonder if he was second guessing himself? “What if I am not accepted? What if I get more humiliation?
“while he was still a long way off, his father saw him.” Luke 15:20 AMP
We always think, and for good reason, the father was watching for his son. That’s what a loving father is, that's what a loving father does, it’s in their nature. But, what about the son? I bet the thought crossed his mind, “while he was still a long way off,” to turn around, to run from potential connection, but he didn’t.
You may open up and share your story and that takes risk. Someone may take your story and throw it on the ground, stomp on it and throw it back in your face. Keep going. The person that does that to someone else is not a good father but a poor representation of one. They, most assuredly, are dealing with their own freedom and worthiness. Keep going, one foot in front of the other until you arrive at your good father's house and safe home.
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